I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
