my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
