I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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