....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
