We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
