You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
