I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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