We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
