omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
