This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
