This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
