3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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