Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
