You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
