My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
