If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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