The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
