just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
