I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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