Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
