you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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