Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He? As in you personified your dick?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
