Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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