we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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