Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
