If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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