when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
