I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize