youre lurking in front of me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
