I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
