I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
