Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
