if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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