just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
