i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
