If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
