My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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