Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize