Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
