i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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