You made me cry and you don't even care
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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