I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
