found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
