I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are we still banned from the library?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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