Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
