Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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