She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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