He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
