Your favorite bartender is back from prision
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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