Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
