So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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