hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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