You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
