He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
