i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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