he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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