I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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