i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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