it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
