so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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