Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
