Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize