Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
