After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
