Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
