garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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