Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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