he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize