I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
