She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
