Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
