put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
