Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
