that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
