He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
